Our Current Journey
We have always wanted more than one child. Knowing our past history with fertility issues, we decided to start trying again as soon as we were able. When my cycle returned at 6 months postpartum, I was thrilled. I began tracking ovulation and so began our journey with secondary infertility. At first, I thought I would be one of the lucky ones to get pregnant again, because I’ve read so many stories of pregnancy curing infertility. I thought that since we’ve already put in our time, we wouldn’t go though this again. That was December of 2016. In February 2018, I had an annual at my OBGYN and decided I should bring up our struggles again. They agreed that I should at the very least get my hormone levels tested to make sure everything was where it should be. I was nervous. Not because of the tests, but because I was hesitant to go back down the road that is infertility. Chris and I both have a little PTSD from the first years it took to get Lexi and I didn’t want to resurrect those painful memories.
We did a lot of talking in that month about we wanted to do. Whether we wanted to keep waiting on our own or begin testing again to find out if there was something they missed the first time around. In our discussions, I had a thought. Maybe we were given this trial again to do it differently. To find joy, to fully experience God’s love, His ocean of grace, and to help and encourage others on the same road. I’m not going to pretend and say the wait is easier this time around. It’s just different. Changing our perspective on infertility won’t change my circumstances but it will change the way infertility looks. In this season of waiting, I am excited to see just what God has planned for our lives.
In these posts, I’ll be very transparent in giving honest, raw and pretty intimate details. It’s not to gain attention, sympathy or pity. It’s to be a face for the thousands of women who do this every month. For many, this is what infertility looks like. Our journeys may look different in the treatment options that we choose (or not choose), but we all have one thing in common, we just want a family.
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